Did you like John Wick? Do you like westerns? Well let me tell you a story about how a well known horror movie anthologist and director put together a bland western rip-off starring two washed up actors that are not in their prime.Ti West is known for the ABC’s of Death and V/H/S. I absolutely love those films. He decided to watch John Wick and adapt it into a shit movie.

Ethan Hawke plays John Wick! Just kidding, he plays Paul. A tough man wandering through the west with only his dog, a mysterious past and no last name. He has the misfortune of stopping in a random town to get some water and a bath and encountering a spoiled asshole and his little band of followers. Ethan Hawke embarrasses the spoiled asshole in front of the whole town and then stops in to get a bath. When he gets done he is shocked to find John Travolta waiting for him in the lobby of the bath house. Travolta actually did a decent acting job here. He is the Marshal in this town the that was his son/deputy. Travolta pulls off a decent speech where you do not know if he is going to be evil or fair until the very end. Luckily Travolta is fair and understands his son lost a fight he started in a fair manner and let’s Ethan Hawke leave town, with a warning to never come back. Honestly it was nice to see it go down that way.

We cut to the next scene of John Wick, I mean Paul, sleeping in the desert outside of town when his dog hears something and runs off to investigate. The dog is then shot by the Marshal’s son and his gang. The gang then holds Paul while the asshole stabs the dog in front of him and they beat him up a bit. Luckily they are super incompetent and attempt to kill him by throwing him in to a ravine, unsuccessfully. They do not go and check so obviously they just assume he died.

John Wick then goes back to town and methodically kills everyone involved including the disappointed Marshal (Though his son causes his death). John Wick. John Wick. John Wick.

This movie cost 29 million to make and grossed 53k. That is no typo. This movie tanked. Hell Karen Gillan  gets top billing over Ethan Hawke and John Travolta and I didn’t mention her once in this review. She is briefly in the film by the way. In an irritating role that I want to forget. This movie was an hour and forty-four minutes of meh. Nothing great, nothing terrible just meh.